A couple weeks ago the word OPTIMISM entered back into my life. Ok, that sounds strange, let me explain. It never left but I think I am beginning to understand why this word is applicable in my life as of yesterday.
What does optimism mean?
Merriam-Webster dictionary describe it as: 1) a state that this world is the best possible world 2) an inclination to put the most favorable construction upon actions and events or to anticipate the best possible outcome.
So what does optimism look like?
I won't lie, a lot of my life this is what I thought optimism was, acting like Kathy Lee Gifford. And if you know me, you definitely know that this is not my style! To me she is just one of those people where optimism is almost a production. Just one of those people that has been described as "too happy." I guess this is why I always thought of this word as not ridiculous but maybe not a character goal. I didn't want people to think that I am too happy or always in a production of some sort.
But as of yesterday, I have re-thought about this word, what it means, and who in my life I can use as an example. Hence the picture of this man...
Lowell Anderson or as I called him, Grandpa Anderson.
Yup, this is my Grandpa! One of the cutest old men I have ever met and pleasure of knowing. Why do I say that? Lets just say for a Halloween party, at the age of 91, he wanted to dress up. Jokingly I suggested Yoda.Well he wasn't Yoda, but he did dress up as a Jedi Knight. It was awesome! He had the light-saber, the cloak, everything! I think it goes without saying he was the best dressed that year = )
Grandpa Anderson has been in my thoughts lately and I am sure that it doesn't have to do with losing him 3 years ago this month. I also believe that it is more than Kyle and I preparing for our son's arrival (his name is going to be Collin Lowell). I think it is because he is the most optimistic man that I have ever personally known. He had such a passion for life and especially, sports! Honestly that 90 year old plus brain could remember so many sport facts it wasn't even funny.
I won't go into to much detail of the things that he faced in his life but the two things that I know that shaped him was growing up through the "Great Depression" and at the end of his life suffering from two strokes. I know some stories from him growing up during the "Great Depression," but when I really knew him was towards the end of his life and him going through the strokes.
One of my favorite pictures, of my Grandpa is the day after the stroke that would finally kill him. In the picture it is him smiling the biggest smile you have ever seen, in a hospital gown, and with oxygen tubes up his nose. You would never, ever suspect that this man had just gone through a stroke and had gone through one of the longest nights in his life. But this was only the beginning of that long trial. It was hard to watch sometimes and some days I wish I could switch him places, but he always said "Thank you" to nurses and doctors and always gave them a smile. I could write for hours about what I saw and felt the last month and a half of my grandfather's life, but those things are personal and its something that I don't really feel comfortable sharing on the world wide web.
As I ponder what he had gone through towards the end of life, I think I am realizing that for me to witness that period of time, it was meant for me to apply those personality characteristics that I saw my Grandpa have in my own life at this time. I am going to be a first time mom in 5 1/2 weeks and the thought of that doesn't scary me, but it does make me nervous and completely stressed. Maybe not completely stressed, I have other factors that are feeding into that (finishing my degree, being part of the Young Women organization in my church, and finances).
As wonderful as Kathy Lee Gifford is, I think I would rather emulate my Grandpa at this time. So I don't have the cleanest house, my body is not mine anymore (meaning the child that is inside kicking me at this time), Collin's nursery isn't ready, and my I scrabbling to get my homework/tests done before the baby comes. But is that any excuse to not think that the world isn't the best possible world? It would be easy to think, especially with horrific earthquake, tsunami, and radiation explosions that are happening in Japan that this world is doomed or whatever news story is currently breaking. But than I remember my Grandpa and try to look at it from how he would, it makes me want to ask "Are the things going on in Japan sad and scary?" YES! But what a great opportunity for a nation to come together and for us as a human race to help people across the world that we haven't even met (or plan on meeting).
I know the trials that I am experiencing at this time in my life are nothing to compare to what Japan is going through, to the "Great Depression," or of the pain of having your body fall apart and know that you are preparing to leave this earth. But the trials that I am going through are real to me and at times they get the best of me and its easy to say at time "Hope ya know, I am having a hard time."
How grateful I am to have the example of my Grandpa! To just be able to muster up a small smile and say thank you. Even when I am praying. How grateful I am to know of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I don't understand it fully but the great thing about life is we get to be reminded and come to a new knowledge of this principle!
To end my thoughts on this post I would like to quote President Dieter F. Utchodorf. He once said:
"The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating darkness. Despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be. Despair kills ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul, and deadens the heart. Despair can seem like a staircase that leads only and forever downward.
Hope, on the other hand, is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father, who has prepared a way for those who seek for eternal truth in a world of relativism, confusion, and of fear."
I guess the point of this post it to remind us that optimism doesn't have to be a thing where you are overall dramatic or its all about the presentation. It can simply be laying in a hospital bed and looking up at the the doctor, that just told you that you will never be able to eat again and saying thank you. That sometimes instead of letting everyone hear you say "I hope ya know, I am having a hard time," we take the time to reestablish our hope and let it penetrate us like "sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances."
